Reborn & Omgpink's Lecture: How to Review!
by omgpink
Summary: With the assistance of KHRs hottest eye candy.


**Reborn and Omgpink's Lecture to Writing a Fan Fiction Review!**

_Want to avoid sounding like the three-year-old Lambo every time you leave a comment on your favorite KHR drabble, one-shot, or multichap? Let Reborn and omgpink whip you into shape and teach you how to write a meaningful review!_

* * *

Omgpink raps her metal ruler on the fancy wooden podium to silence the lecture hall filled with KHR fangirls. "Update soon! Update soon! Update soon!" they rant like zombie-bots.

"Silence!"

But, alas, they do not listen. Omgpink, frustrated beyond recognition, turning the color of her namesake, continues banging the podium. However, she is powerless to stop the chanting mob.

Suddenly, an explosion erupts from the ceiling! Reborn has come to the rescue! He makes his entrance somersaulting and landing neatly on omgpink's head.

"You're late," omgpink emphasizes as he sets up a beach chair.

"If you can't handle this crowd, omgpink, how will you ever make it in the real world, after you graduate from college."

"Please, don't remind me that college ends," she grimaced

Meanwhile, most of the fan fiction readers continue chanting "Update soon! Update soon!" The young writer takes a moment to notice that most of the fanfictioners are in Middle School and High School. She could see the yaoi girls clustering together near the exit door. They were such a clique. The colleges students and older women casually stood near the back, arms crossed, waiting expectantly.

"Tsk. Just help me, will you, Reborn. I'm sick and tired of getting boring, plain-as-cardboard reviews. They tell me nothing about the quality of my writing."

So Reborn holds up a large red button. "Fine, use this. But you owe me a favor." He wags the button mischievously. "Write me a story in which I break the Arcobaleno curse and have a lemon with Biancci. A nice roll in the hay."

"Fine," Omgpink lies, vowing never to write such a cheesy and plotless tale. She snatches the red button, which has the word 'easy' painted on it in white. BAM! _That was easy._

The lights in the auditorium dim and a projector flickers on, casting a beam of light on the white wall behind the authoress. Immediately, all the fangirls hush. Some of the women's mouths in the back slightly drop open. The sound of a mosquito buzzing on the moon could be heard.

Curious, omgpink turns around. Her jaw drops. Why? Because she is staring at the steamy naked image Mukuro Rokudou in the shower, cropped just above his waist. His pecs glisten as the water runs over them and he smiles coyly at the camera. After 5 seconds, the slide disappears, replaced by the strikingly sexy Dino Cavollone in nothing but a Speedo. My- my. He bulges in all the right places.

"Reborn!" omgpink shouts, finally coming out of the daze. She hits the button again, causing the lights to flicker on and the projector to turn off.

"Hey, they're quiet," Reborn shrugs, leaning back in his chair. He is right. All the females are now perfectly attentive.

"Well…" Omgpink is a little nervous. She has never spoken to such a large crowd before. But this was a problem that had gone on too long.

So many empty reviews echo though this site's servers.

"Review Revolution!"

Reborn nods calmly in agreement.

* * *

**Tip #1: What to Avoid**** featuring Hibari Kyoya**

Hibari Kyoya strolls into the auditorium, frowning in disgust.

"I hate crowds," he begins, "But I hate short, pointless reviews even more." He stands silently eyeing the crowd, causing some shivering fan girls to squirm uncomfortably. Others are mildly turned on.

Omgpink sighs. "Can you please elaborate, Hibari? Right now, you're being as helpful as the reviewers you hate."

"Hnn. Fine." Hibari replies. He removes a piece of paper from his uniform pocket and unfolds it. He scans the paper, then looks at the crowd of expectant, hormone-driven teenage girls. He frowns even more. His hatred of crowds had turned into a case of stage fright.

"Here's my elaboration," he says quickly, handing the paper to omgpink. She immediately takes it because, as a writer, she understands what would happen if Hibari felt caged for too long. The college student brusquely steps out of the way for Hibari to leave. A few avid fan girls stalk him out. Such a shame.

The Hibari-maniacs needed this advice the most.

Omgpink unfolds the paper, then adjusts the mic.

"Do not tell this writer to update quickly, because then she will hurry and write me completely out of character. I hate being out of character."

"If any herbivore uses the following in a review, I, personally, will bite them to death:"

_Update soon!_

_Please keep continuing!_

_Love this chappy!_

_OMG can't wait for the next chapter! LOLZ_

Omgpink folded the piece of paper, and slipped it in her pocket.

"First of all, by 'bite you to death,' he does not mean 'have sex.' Besides that, what do all those reviews have in common? They all SUCK!"

* * *

**Tip #2: Give Negative Feedback**** featuring Colonnello and Mukuro**

"PLEASE give negative feedback," omgpink announces. "But just to be polite—say what you enjoyed first."

Colonnello, being carried by his eagle, floats down from the hole in the ceiling made by Reborn. Omgpink wonders how she is going to fix it. She, after all, had borrowed the lecture hall from her college.

"Hey! Everyone can improve!" Colonnello lands on omgpink's podium and nods to Reborn in acknowledgment. " Fanfiction is writer boot camp!"

"Colonnello is right," Omgpink agrees. "My readers are my drill sergeants. Act like Xanxus and show some tough love! Point out mistakes, especially in character development. This is as simple as pointing out where you lose interest. Every writer should be willing to edit!"

Suddenly, Mukuro materializes out of thin air. "Flame stories you find unenjoyable. Kufufu~ I love taunting my enemies. Now where did that cloud go?"

"He went back to Namimori, Mukuro. Please, don't leave through the door. I don't want to lose any more of my audience."

"But of course, my dear," and he fades away like a Cheshire cat: his teasing smile last. Omgpink turns back to the gooey eyed love birds. Damn, some had swooned.

"Most importantly, include why a story doesn't keep your interest. Be simple. Are the characters OoC, Mary-sue, cliché, or does the text not flow? Don't spend too much time. The care you put into a review should be proportional to the effort the author put into the fic—don't bother if every other word is misspelled."

Reborn flips open his cell phone. "You hear that no-good Tsuna! Omgpink says you should stop writing fanfiction about you and Kyoko!"

* * *

**Tip #3: Drabbles**** featuring Lambo**

"Lambo-san wants cake! Lambo-san wants candy!"

"And which would you prefer, Lambo dear?"

"Oh cake! A big cake! With cream! And strawberries!"

"When reviewing drabbles, review your favorite and say why it captures your heart. Preferences are the most important, and such praise will steer the author in the right direction. Critique their overall punch."

Omgpink hands Lambo a small slice of cake. The cow whines about the size. "If its small, you'll enjoy each bite more," she scorns.

* * *

**Tip #4: Multi-Chapter**** featuring Hibari—again**

"I heard that illusionist came by." The fan girls that had followed Hibari reenter and take their seats. They have a few have bruises on their cheek, but they smile in satisfaction, nonetheless.

"Oh, Hibari! You're back! Would you like to talk about Multi-Chapter fics?"

"No."

"Oh? But I want to characterize you through dialogue."

"Tsk. Fine. Bad reviews irritate me." He turns to address the crowd. "Write them well."

"Should one write a review for every chapter? What if there are thirty chapters?"

"Whatever review you write, write it well. Where's the illusionist?"

"Kufufu~"

* * *

**Tip #5: One-Shots**** featuring Hibari, Mukuro, and Dino**

Hibari smashes the podium because it is in the way of him and Mukuro.

"No!" Omgpink turns to Reborn. "Reborn can you tell them to take this outside? I do not have the money to fix this place! University is expensive! I work for every penny and I'm sick of eating rice, oatmeal, and beans. I want steak! Do you know how much eggs cost now?"

"I'll lend you Tsuna's mom," Reborn answers, taking out a pair of bird-watching binoculars, thoroughly enjoying the fight. "She'll take care of you."

Mukuro turns the projector into the illusion of a bat hanging upside down. The fanfiction girls scream in fear. But illusions don't work on Hibari and he smashes the machine to the ground.

"But Tsuna's mom isn't real! And that projector cost $5,000!"

"Don't worry omgpink, I'll stop them!" Dino swings into the room like Indiana Jones, with Romario close behind.

"But I want to say first that I enjoy reading one-shots. They are quick to read, and I always review."

"You're too kind. Now please, stop them?"

"Hold on, gimme one second. When you review one-shots, be critical, because they are easier to edit than multi-chapter fics. Keep in mind, the ending must have a real punch! If the ending doesn't blast you away, say so in the review."

"AAHHHH! Dino, do something!" Giant pillars of fire burst out of every corner of the room.

* * *

**Tip #6: Non-Romance Genre**** featuring StMomo**

"Hello my dears. I will be replacing omgpink while she cleans up the auditorium from that lovely battle."

Reborn tips his hat to her. "Thank you for the wonderful character sketch you wrote about me. I'm looking forward the lemon your planning." Reborn looks sadly at his baby body. It had been so long.

"Ahh, you liked it? Thank you." StMomo laughs. "It was fun to write. I'll work on that lemon, although, it will be to please my readers more than you, kind sir."

"Hey! Get to the point!" Colonnello shouts. Yes, he is still there. He has just been talking to a young fictioner about how he would prefer not to paired with her OC, Katinka Italia, because he already was in love with Lal Mirch.

"Ahh~ yes, of course. I believe a good story can capture any reader, regardless of genre." StMomo begins. "I write some romance, but nothing traditional. I enjoy reading and writing general and friendship fics, too. KHR has amazing characters with intriguing personalities. They have great potential outside romance."

"Hmn? So how would you review such fics?" Chikusa asked. He had followed Mukuro to the lecture hall with his friend, Ken. "I enjoy those, too."

"Oh Chikusa! What a pleasure!" says StMomo, blushing at her favorite character and looking around the room nervously. "Well, I like to discuss language, style, and the themes brought up in a piece I review. Most importantly, I tell the author what I found good about it and what could be improved!"

Her eyes finally settle on Chikusa once more and with a lecherous grin, she couldn't help but ask him one simple question. "Would you like to take a shower, Chikusa?"

* * *

**Tip #7: Romance Genre**** featuring Xanxus**

"You're all trash! I hate you all! Go to hell!"

"Do you like to read fanfiction, Xanxus?" Omgpink is finished cleaning the lecture hall, and StMomo has run off, who knows where, with Chikusa. Hopefully, the university custodians wouldn't figure out that everything was currently held together with duct tape.

"I only read it when I'm beating the crap out of Tsuna. Why?"

"Not the romantic type, eh? I'll give you a bottle of Norwegian cherry kjafa if you tell these young ladies how to review an OC x Xanxus story." Omgpink elbows Xanxus in the ribs. "This school is overflowing with alcohol. I have plenty to go around."

"Go to hell, Trash!" He pulls a whiskey bottle from his pocket. "Nothing can compare to this 1869 vintage."

"Ok, Ok. I'll do it then: For romance fics, try to point out what make the story unique. Do you like the direction its going in? Or are you just plain sick of snow guardians? Sometimes, the main love interest, usually Hibari it seems, falls in love, either, too quickly or too slowy. Be sure to point this out… Xanxus, can I have a kiss?"

"But of course. Anything for you, my precious gem."

"By, the way, ladies, if you want Xanxus to fall in love with you faster, get him really shit-faced, like thus."

* * *

**Tip #8: The Mary-Sue Phenomenon**** featuring Yamamoto**

"The simplest way to avoid a mary-sue is to pick a sign from the zodiac and follow its strengths and weakness. And make at least one character hate her guts."

"I hate you omgpink. I will never forgive what you did to me!" Yamamoto seethes, drawing his sword. "My name is Yamamoto Takeshi. Prepare to die!"

"I'm sorry Yamamoto! I'm really sorry!"

"What did you do to piss off that guy?" Reborn asks omgpink. "It might help me train Tsuna."

* * *

**Tip #9: How to Write Anonymous Reviews**** featuring Mammon, aka Viper**

"If you are not a member of fan fiction, it's ok. You can still support the authors. Give yourself a creative name. Like Hibari's Wifey. Or sock-lay-blur. Whatever!"

Then, omgpink handed Mammon a few $50 bills. "I know I'm short on cash, but I think Mammon, aka Viper, can really hit my next point home."

"Don't call me Viper. Give me another $100 and we'll call it even."

"Tsk, fine." Because the money isn't real-life money, omgpink is not stingy spending it, as she usually is.

"Anonymous reviews," Mammon begins, "are also a great means to flame an author, separate from an account profile. Treat it like an alter ego. Sometimes, I'm so irritated with a story about me giving up money for love, I have to complain."

"But Mammon, you're in Varia. Aren't you supposed to be mean?"

Mammon whispers is omgpink's ear.

"OMG! Xanxus writes fan fiction?" she shouts.

* * *

**Tip #10: One of the Biggest Author Pet Peeves**** featuring Tsuna and Kyoko**

"Aiyeee! Reborn? What's going on here?" Tsuna is rather taken aback by all the fan girls squealing, pointing at his feminine lips and eyes. Numerous snap his photograph with the [print screen] button, copy and pasting to Paint. In a couple hours, Tsuna's head will be photo-shopped onto Haru or Kyoko's body. While the girls go about their merry feminizing, omgpink pulls Tsuna to the center of the stage and asks him, using the microphone to be heard over the ruckus:

"Tsuna, Reborn told me you like to write fan fiction. What do you wish readers would do for you in their reviews?"

Omgpink holds the microphone near Tsuna's mouth, knowing he is a quiet boy. Tsuna blushes a deep red.

"I- I don't really care if people r-review my stuff or not? Are people really reading it?"

"Tsuna, what do you write about anyway?"

Reborn checks his iphone, which of course has a wifi internet connection.

The Perfect Ending by 27Kforever

Summary: When everyone is safe, Tsuna can finally marry Kyoko. A collection of drabbles that follows their perfectly happy, safe, and normal married lives.

"Well, the kid likes fluff. How are the reviews?"

"He hasn't gotten any reviews," Reborn announces.

"No reviews? Tsuna, you must be so upset!"

"Oh. I'm not really upset. A few people favorite-ed it. I don't really get this much attention, anyway." He looks at Reborn, who just happened to be now reading a sexilicious dance scene between him and a little-black-dress-wearing assassin on that sleek black Iphone of his.

Omgpink also looks at Reborn and wonders why the kid had such a nice cell phone when she had to put up with a cheap slider that turns off when you hit the 'p' key.

"But I'm running out of ideas and I think I might discontinue it."

"Hi, Tsuna-kun!"

"Kyoko-chan!"

A few fangirls recall (albeit vaguely) that the beautiful and slim girl is Tsuna's crush.

"Omgpink, thank you for recommending me all of 27Kforever's fics. I thought she was a good writer," Kyoko tells omgpink. "Her words really flow, but I just couldn't see myself in a relationship like that with Tsuna-kun." Beside omgpink, Tsuna pales slightly and decides to leave, tail between his legs.

"Kyoko-chan, what _exactly _was wrong with 27Kforever's fic?"

"Well, girl-to-girl, omgpink, I wish she had written more smut."

"Well, readers? What is the lesson? Favorite-ing stories are fine and all, but reviews, that is where the real connection is! That is what we all really want! And aren't making connections fun? Connect to us authors, PLEASE. PRETTY PLEASE! It brings both happiness AND drama to our lives, lovely spices. We want to hear from you and many of us love to send out replies!"

* * *

**Tip #11: Point Out Insecurities****, featuring Naito Longchamp**

"Authors, this is a message for you now. Sometimes it helps to ask a reviewer a specific question in an ending author's note**: **Are the Canon characters OoC? What drabble was your favorite and why? Is my mary-sue tolerable, or elephant diarrhea? Not everyone is reading this guide."

"Hey! What's up, omgpink!"

"Tsk. Longchamp. I didn't invite you!" Omgpink scoffs at his utter lack of sex appeal.

"Nah. Reborn-chan invited me. Is this a party?" Many fan girls leave in boredom, utterly unimpressed by the boy who is not society's definition of 'sexy.' Omgpink notices their loss of attention and rushes to the mic.

"Hey, wait! Everyone! Come back!" But nothing repels fangirls more than Naito Longchamp's presence and Hibari Kyoya's absence.

"Well, anyway, Reborn-chan asked me to shoot you. I owe him a favor."

"WHAT! You want to kill me?"

"Mangusta! Fire away!" Longchamp waves flamboyantly to a sniper in the balcony.

_My past has been complete darkness. My future shall be complete darkness. All my OCs are mary-sue reflections of the type of strong and attention-grabbing girl I always wanted to be. Nearly every canon character I write is out of character and sounds like a stick is being shoved up his or her ass. I use stupid similes and metaphors made up really late at night that just sound utterly idiotic in retrospect. I'm starting to think the only reason I write fan fiction is because of the peer pressure to -update soon-. I'm overly dramatic, cliche, and lucky I know basic grammar. Half the stuff I write gets thrown out before it's even posted, but sometimes, I can't even tell if it sucks or not until my ass is flamed. My attempts at humor aren't even that funny and the only reason anyone would laugh at them is because they are so pathetic. Everything I write isn't even worth reading and I'm pretty sure no one's even reading these words right now. I'm not even getting better, I'm just becoming more and more of a sad excuse for a writer. The only reason I ever get any good reviews is because people are either too nice or too lazy to point out my flaws, which are so utterly obvious . If Ryohei were constipated on top of his ADHD, he still could write better than me._

Thank goodness iphones don't have cameras.

* * *

**Tip #12: How to Review your Favorite Stories in Under One Minute: Pick 2 Questions**

What passage did you enjoy? Copy + Paste comes in handy

What passage was confusing? Copy + Paste

What did you wish had happened?

What do you wish there was more of? More romance? More sexy descriptions of Mukuro? Maybe I should have described a few more slides in my introduction.

Give the author a challenge! I know I will accept them!

Say what made you laugh.

Say what made you wonder why you spend/waste your days reading fan fiction instead of a book by a professional author.

*Always criticize* No one is perfect. Even if your critique is as simple as wishing it were longer, or more than a one-shot, leave behind a way to improve.

* * *

Finally out of the lecture hall, omgpink flips open her vibrating cell phone, while wondering if any of the fan girls had actually listened to her. _Will they change their ways?_

"Hello?"

"Omgpink! Tell them to stop writing me in Yaoi! Especially as the uke! I'm not a goddamn uke! I'm not gay! I'm a man, a man I tell you! I have all the parts of a man! I do not have a crush on the juudaime!"

Gokudera again. She wished she had never given him her cell phone number.

"Ok, Gokudera, you can prove it to me tonight. You bring the Trojans."

"What's that supposed to mean~!"


End file.
